Acid-washed is an 'ironic' fashion, never meant to flatter

When I wear my new acid-washed jeans, my boyfriend says I look like Jon Bon Jovi and starts whistling Whitesnake songs. He also said that I look like a Spitting Image sketch featuring Rod Stewart. What can I do?

Drifter, Lonely street of dreams

Drifter, I like the sound of your ­boyfriend, or at least the sound of his cultural reference points. ­Whitesnake? Bon Jovi? Spitting ­Image? Rod ­Stewart? All vibing off one pair of jeans? And get you, with the ­Whitesnake-lyric reference in your ­address (obviously, I had to look that up – I'm not that sad; sorry, I mean erudite). I would like to spend an evening round at yours with your iPod on shuffle, I don't mind telling you.

But to your question. I'm not sure if there's much you can do, Drifter, because you are caught between high fashion and straightforward ­aesthetics. The former is where you reside, ­embracing with suspicious keenness the re-emergence of acid-washed denim as a fashionable look ­(suspicious, I say, because your ­palpable pride, clear from the way you describe the jeans so lovingly, suggests you have been waiting for this fashion moment for the past, oh, 20 years).

Your Whitesnake-whistling ­gentleman, however, is more interested in straightforward aesthetics because – and I say this with nothing but respect for your fashion devotion – no one has ever looked good in acid-wash denim. Ever. I'd apologise for the brusqueness of my commentary here but you're a smart lady and you already know that looking good is not the point of acid-washing.

Acid-washing falls under a category known in the trade as "ironic fashion" (see also: leg warmers, jumpsuits, high-heeled trainers, boilersuits and anything that is overly literal in its 70s or 80s homage). This is fashion that isn't interested in being flattering; it's about making a reference. But I am guessing that your boyfriend is one of the many people in the world who believes that irony is an attitude that is best expressed orally, not sartorially. Am I right, or am I right?

And so, Drifter, you and me and your Bon Jovi aficionado reach an impasse. The two of you will never agree here. You're like America's right- and leftwing, and any attempt at ­compromise will end in ignominy, ­simply ­because it is impossible.

But I suspect you will not be easily parted from your much-loved, long-awaited acid-washed numbers. So I guess the only thing to do here is to ­develop a fondness for Whitesnake ­being whistled at you. And I also ­suspect that this, too, will come to you naturally.

I have started to wear my jeans with turn-ups of about 2in. I think I am in danger of looking like a sailor, but I feel more comfortable doing this than going for the jeans-tucked-into-boots military look, which is not that comfortable and not really appropriate for a man in his mid-30s. Friends seem to be critical whichever style I go for. Help.

Confused Boots, London

Well, Confused, I think you are well named here because it is clear that your confusion lies not so much with your jeans but with your boots.

Here is what I think: while I'm not sure if it is "not really appropriate" for a man in his 30s to tuck his jeans into his boots, I would say it's a little too "Hey! Have you checked out my boots?" from any person of any age.

But you don't like the turn-ups, ­either. Confused, you're going to have to make a choice and commit here: ­either you tuck them in, roll them up, ­or get slimmer boots in the Chelsea boot mode and let the jeans hang over them. You may be able to get away with being high-maintenance in all other aspects of your life, able to bend the world to your specific liking, but in the fashion world we don't have any truck with such nonsense – you just have to deal with it.

Of course, the other option is you get a pair of sailor-style trousers, or even flares, and then you don't have to do anything at all, but rather let them fall naturally around your beloved boots. Oh, wait a minute, you don't like the naval look either, right? Confused, I wash my hands.
Source: Guardian UK

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